[The following is a guest article by retired police officer and police trainer Ron Borsch.]
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Some readers may remember the 1982 movie with Robin Williams as an example of strange thinking. My takeaway was that Garp wanted to buy a house that an airplane had just crashed into. AI: “Garp’s logic was that the house had already been ‘pre-disastered.’ He reasoned that the astronomical odds against an airplane crashing into a house meant it could never possibly happen to that specific property again, making it the safest place they could possibly live…. The memorable quote from the IMDb The World According to Garp Quotes captures this comedic display of absolute logic cloaked in absurdity… “We’ll take the house Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It’s been pre-disastered. We’re going to be safe here.” “The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps” (Proverbs 14:15).
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So, too, is it true in reality that there are folks whose logic may be absurd to some degree about one subject or another. There is nothing wrong with that, so long as they keep their ill-informed opinion to themselves. It only becomes problematic when they attempt to force their personal opinion on others by self-righteous argument with expertise they do not possess. Personally. I dislike conversation with folks that know not of a civilly and rationally supported position. Whenever I have any reservation about my own opinion or another’s, my preference is to properly research the subject for at least self-satisfaction. “Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5).
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So what does all of that have to do with forgiving vs forgetting?
The subject came up while I was on a periodic telephone visit with my out-of-state younger brother. He mentioned the topic of forgiving and forgetting. They are not one and the same. As usual, I enjoyed the conversation even though we disagreed. Perhaps he had been misled. On that subject, at the time, I was unaware the Bible does not address forgetting. I readily admit not being a biblical scholar, as that is best left to the trained, educated, and experienced biblical leaders, pastors, other experts, and research authors (see resource list below).
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However, I was under the impression that forgiveness and forgetting are two dissimilar subjects with totally different meanings. This, then, was a time-out for me to double-check my own opinion and do some homework for brotherly love. As it turns out, for good reason, the Bible does not address any in-depth “forgetting.” Relevant here is: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel” (Maya Angelou).
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You can honestly and sincerely forgive someone for trespasses, sins, or offenses; however, you cannot necessarily forget those offenses. This would range from improbable to impossible depending on the offense and any emotion involved. There is science regarding normal human memory regarding inability to forget certain issues. If the offending person has a tracking history of being unwilling to change his/her bad behavior, it would be normal and recommended to minimize contact and circumstances with them.
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“Everybody knows something, and nobody knows everything” (Dusty Baker) and “Acknowledging what you do not know is the first step to wisdom” (Socrates’ Paradox). The way I double-check myself, and adjust or change my opinion, is to research what trustworthy, established experts, scholars, and organizations say on a particular topic. Opinions on this from pastors and other experts follow. Another quote may be helpful here: “There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true” (Søren Kierkegaard).
[ Read the SemperVerus article, Discover the Compelling Evidence Proving the Reliability of the Bible ]
RESOURCES SUMMARIZATION:
Is the Saying “Forgive and Forget” Biblical? The phrase “forgive and forget” is not found in Scripture. However, Scripture does say that love keeps no record of wrongs and that love conquers a multitude of sins. But does this mean you simply forget the sin committed against you?
BIBLICAL COUNSELING COALITION, Is Forgiving Forgetting? What to Do When You Remember Pain by Pastor Lee Lewis 012216.
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Forgetting the past is not always in touch with the reality of the present. If the person who has offended you doesn’t turn over a new leaf, you will struggle to forget the past. Their repeated offenses make forgiving-as-forgetting a non-option. Were you to try to forget and turn the page, you wouldn’t find a new chapter. Instead, you would find the same story and sinful behaviors. Also, if we ignore the present in our attempts to forget the past, we will open ourselves up to more harm. But, Christ’s call to forgive is not a call to open yourself up to further harm. It is a call to be in touch with reality and humbly confront it.
GOSPEL-CENTERED DISCIPLESHIP 2025 by Yana Jenay Conner (MDiv, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary) is a writer and Bible teacher who seeks to help others think well about faith and culture.
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Forgiveness and forgetfulness are not the same thing. You may never forget the effect of someone’s injury against you. Remembering may even serve as an alert against being injured again in the same way.
TODAY IN THE WORD by Rosalie de Rosset: Dr. Rosalie de Rosset has been teaching at Moody Bible Institute in the Communications Department for over five decades.
[ Read the SemperVerus article, The Reality of God is Plain Enough ]
One of the biggest misunderstandings about forgiveness—is that forgiving means forgetting: acting like what happened never happened. That might be easy to do if it is a minor offense—but there are some things, such as major traumas, which people do not know how to forget, even if they wanted to. Furthermore, sometimes the expectation that forgiving means forgetting can be unwise and even dangerous…. So…isn’t “not remembering” the same as “forgetting”? Actually, no! It’s not!… Please understand that just because you can’t forget that something happened, doesn’t mean that you can’t forgive the person who did it to you. Furthermore, forgiveness and trust are two separate things. Proverbs 14:15 says: “The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.” A lot of people confuse forgiveness and trust, and some people are unwilling to forgive, because they’re not ready to trust that person again. On the other hand, some people expect that if someone has forgiven them that they should automatically trust them again. That’s not true, in fact in some cases it would be very unwise.
THEOLOGY FOR THE PEOPLE by Pastor Nick Cady 051017
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Artificial Intelligence overview: The phrase “forgive but never forget” is not explicitly in the Bible, though the Bible instructs believers to forgive just as Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). Biblical forgiveness means choosing not to hold sins against someone anymore (Hebrews 8:12), rather than having total amnesia of an event.
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We don’t know if a person will hurt us again or if their commitment to do right by us is sincere. In this way, forgetting looks like a gamble… Here’s the good news: There is no scripture saying “Forgive and forget”. Forgetting is not required. I would even be bold enough to say that forgetting isn’t always wise. God created our memory for a purpose… Forgiveness doesn’t erase the wrong done to you. Pretending it never happened will get you nowhere. Forgiveness is simply a heart decision to hold nothing against a person for the wrongs they committed against you. Forgiveness doesn’t equal trust.
MY JOURNEY OF FAITH MINISTRIES by Heather Randall. C4 Ministries Manager/Case Manager
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JESUS NEVER SAID “FORGIVE AND FORGET” He said forgive, but never said ignore wisdom.
Ben Bennett, It may sound spiritual, but “forgive and forget” is not biblical 021626
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I don’t want anyone thinking that you aren’t a forgiving person because you still remember an action done against you in the past. That is a lie from the devil that too many are listening to and believing. The truth is the very fact that you remember and continue to choose not to treat the actions of others as they deserved is an even stronger testament to your faith. If it is humanly possible to forget something, then there would be no need for forgiveness. You can’t forgive something you have forgotten.
RED LETTER CHALLENGE by Pastor Zach Zehnder Senior Director of Young Adult Ministry. 090221
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About the Author: Ron Borsch is a Vietnam veteran, (1965-66 US Army paratrooper, 101st Airborne) and is retired from two careers: 30 years as a police officer, including SWAT, and afterwards, 17 years as a police trainer. Supported by seven SEALE chiefs of police, he founded, managed, and was the chief trainer for SEALE Regional Police Training Academy in Bedford Ohio, which was attended by officers from 10 other states. He has also presented before international law enforcement trainer audiences in several states and two countries. For several years, he has served on two expert panels at annual ILEETA international conferences. For giving back what has been given to him, Ron has done pro bono presentations for local civic groups, schools, and churches, and continues to do free consulting.
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